This is a very masculine question in my opinion. Indeed, many men wonder how long sex should last to satisfy a woman. It’s a bit like wondering what is the right size of a male sex to make a woman come! To sound like this is to want to fit into a mold at all costs and that is counterproductive. Why do you always want to make sex and performance rhyme?
It’s crazy to systematically give a mathematical dimension to an act of love, carnal, sharing between two individuals!
What is the normal or ideal duration of a sexual intercourse? Am I in the average? If this kind of question horrifies me, I will nevertheless answer you based on figures and studies on the subject (scientific data as well as my own). You’ll see, we’ll go much further than this very basic question in order to go beyond this simple and meaningless question in my opinion.
Are you in the average?
A study conducted on 500 couples (July 2005).
I’m going to refer to a July 2005 study published in The journal of sexual medicine (so it’s serious). 500 couples were recruited in 5 different countries (Turkey, Spain, Great Britain, the Netherlands and the USA) in order to calculate the average duration of a sexual intercourse in this representative sample of individuals. We are talking here about a 4-week study carried out only on vaginal penetration by the penis. Therefore, it is important to understand that foreplay is not included in these statistics.
When we look at these results, we realize that the difference between the shortest and the longest sexual encounter is really big. Indeed, 55 seconds is the duration of the shortest intercourse against 44 minutes for the longest. So there is a gulf!
So, we come to the point that interests us here: what is the average duration of a sexual intercourse? It is exactly 5.4 minutes. This is far from the 15, 25 or even 30 minutes relayed by x-rated movies! It’s good, you can breathe.
A study of October 2009
Another study from October 2009, also published in the same journal, was carried out during 4 weeks on 474 men (from the same countries as in the 2005 study (above)). It was noted that the shortest sexual intercourse was 10 seconds compared to 52 minutes for the longest. The average has increased slightly: 5.7 minutes compared to 5.4 minutes in 2005.
These are just numbers, we agree. We must now focus on the feeling, the satisfaction VS the duration of the report. This is the most important thing in my opinion.
The ideal duration of a sexual intercourse: the longer it is, the better it is?
A 2008 study that focuses not only on the raw duration but also on the feeling
This 2008 study wanted to analyze whether there was really a link between the duration of intercourse and pleasure. So is the “longer the better” a myth or a reality? You will certainly be surprised.
This study is based primarily on the impressions of these ladies concerning the duration of the comings and goings VS what they really thought of this intimate moment spent with their partner. Thanks to this study, we can finally answer the question: “If I make love to my girlfriend with my penis for hours, will she necessarily be more satisfied?
Here are the conclusions we can draw from this 2008 study:
- 1 to 2 minutes of sex is far too short, unless you have an almost immediate orgasm.
- 3 to 7 minutes is satisfactory. There is nothing to jump up and down about, but it’s not too bad.
- from 7 to 13 minutes, it’s just perfect timing.
- Beyond that, from 13 minutes to 30 minutes (or even more), it’s too long and even boring for the female gender who is no longer in it, so to speak.
From then on, we can remember an important point: you don’t need to make love to your partner (with your penis) for 2 hours to satisfy her sexually. Why not? Simply because pleasure is in fact a question of perception. We’ll see in a few moments.
The perfect timing: from 7 to 13 minutes! Yes, but there is a but…
When we announce this timing, which is considered to be pleasurable by these ladies, we are not much further ahead. And yes, I remind you that the 2005 study concluded that the average duration of a sexual intercourse was 5 minutes. But these ladies would need more time to be sexually satisfied. Does this mean that men can’t satisfy these ladies with simple vaginal penetration, as the vast majority of men lack sexual stamina (they can’t make sex last longer than 5 minutes)?
Gentlemen, I can already see you sighing behind your computer and telling yourself that lasting that long is impossible. Even if you think about grandma or the famine in the third world, it’s not going to happen. In fact, you have to keep in mind one essential thing.
Yes, nobody has a stopwatch next to him when he makes love. So, 4 minutes, 5 or 10 minutes of pure penetration, it doesn’t matter. No sensible woman will ask you to last for hours. Indeed, it is not the duration of the vaginal penetration that makes your wife have or not an orgasm.
Orgasm does not mean hours of vaginal penetration but good foreplay
Don’t be fooled by these numbers
Indeed, all these figures are only averages. They are statistics that don’t mean much in the end. And yes, what about all those men who only last 2 or 3 minutes and who will never manage to do more? Are they bad lovers for all that? Of course not! Why not? Because sex is also and above all a question of preparation and therefore of foreplay.
Women need more time to warm up, to get excited, to get ready. Therefore, all this “pre-coitus” will give another flavor to the sexual intercourse. And yes, you should not hesitate to spend 2/3 of the time of the sexual relation to :
- going through the whole body of your partner and the numerous erogenous zones (known and less known) which compose it. Indeed, stop fixating on the vagina as a cavity that requires the insertion of an external element. There are so many other things to caress, titillate, stimulate before you rush to her vagina.
- Have fun with erotic games that get you in the mood.
- abuse massage, caresses, oral stimulation (cunnilingus, fellatio…), French kiss, body to body etc.
In short, in one word, a good sexual relationship is also and above all a question of foreplay.
Stop the fixation on the act of penetration (sexual intercourse VS sexual relationship)
Sex is not just sex. That’s what you need to keep in mind. Indeed, I repeat myself but it is also a lot of foreplay (the pre-sex in a way). And I can assure you that if you do 20 minutes of foreplay and “only” 3 minutes of back and forth, those 3 minutes of penetration will be much more intense than 30 minutes (or even more) of pure and hard coitus (which might be flat or even very flat). Thanks to foreplay, you will indeed magnify this penetration.
It is therefore necessary to make a difference between sexual intercourse (including foreplay and vaginal penetration) and sexual intercourse (the act of penetrating your penis into the female sex). Your partner will “judge” you on the sexual relationship, not just on the mechanical act of intercourse. A good sexual relationship is not just about how you penetrate your partner. It’s more global, it’s a whole.
And yes, remember that vaginal penetration becomes orgasmic when you have focused on foreplay, the royal road to a just exceptional coitus. And there, you can spend a lot of time on foreplay, you should even abuse it! I sometimes spend 30 minutes on foreplay, which goes by very quickly. Coitus is then the icing on the cake, what concludes the sexual relationship. It is no longer the major, central element of your lovemaking (even if it remains important).
I repeat it in my training, but good foreplay = good (big) orgasms, one cannot go without the other. The timer doesn’t make sense because the most important thing for your partner is this magical moment that you spend together, no matter how long it lasts!
Knowing how to do it will save you precious time
Quality over quantity!
Making love well is not a question of time but a question of the quality of the sexual relationship. We give, we receive, we share. It is this sum of small details which makes all the difference and which makes that the perception of pleasure is not connected any more to a question of time. And yes, between the arms of the one she loves and who knows how to take care of her body, nothing else matters. She is in a bubble where seconds and minutes last for hours. Perception is therefore a key element.
To achieve this, it is also a question of technique and know-how because the more efficient you are, the faster you give orgasms thanks to vaginal penetration in particular. So, when you have the right techniques, whether the penetration with the penis (or the fingers) lasts 2 minutes, 5, 10 or 13 minutes, we don’t care because only the pleasure is important (through orgasms that can even follow each other). Your partner remembers this magic moment spent together, not the time (to the second) that you took to make her come.
You still need to know how to make her come! In the end, this race for performance is understandable. And yes, why do men look for a way to penetrate their partner for hours? Simply because they know nothing about female anatomy. When you don’t know how to penetrate a vagina with your penis, it’s normal that you need more and more time. Indeed, the longer one lasts, the more likely one is to stumble upon the G-spot for example. But reasoning in this way will not allow you to give orgasms, believe me. Indeed, it is when you know (with a capital S) that you go straight to the point (see my method) so that you realize that you do not need to penetrate your partner for 45 minutes to make her come!
Concentrate on the how to do it!
Yes, you can be sure that if you know how to find the right angle to stimulate her G-spot with your penis, the duration of the penetration will take a back seat. You can then last 2 minutes, it doesn’t matter as long as these 2 minutes will be ultra intense and this simply because you will target the right erogenous zone of her sex (in the right way).
She will prefer a man who knows how to make her come (over 3 minutes of vaginal penetration) rather than a tough male who lasts 2 hours but can’t give her pleasure because he goes back and forth between her legs without really knowing what he’s doing. And for that, once again, you need to have the right techniques. Therefore, 4 minutes of penetration with one or more well controlled orgasms (squirting or not) are worth 10,000 times a random orgasm or even no orgasm at all over 40 minutes of penetration, believe me!
In the end, comparing yourself to all these figures will only flatter your ego. Are you average, below, above? It doesn’t matter! Once you understand that sex is anything but about performance, you’ll have it all figured out.
That’s when you’ll stand out from the crowd!
Can we really talk about the normal duration of sexual intercourse?
Before leaving you, I wanted to come back to the question at the center of my article, namely the normal duration of a sexual intercourse. From then on, what you have to remember is that this question has no place. And yes, it is important to understand that you should not think in terms of time simply because that is not what matters.
Indeed, the most important thing is the pleasure taken by both partners. The question of endurance is therefore far too subjective to allow anyone to give a definitive answer to the question that interests us here. Of course, we can make averages but this will not advance the schmilblic. There is therefore no “normality”. I would even go further and tell you that this question is totally stupid.
Indeed, a woman will remember above all the pleasure she shared with her partner. Whether it lasts 2 minutes or 20 minutes, she doesn’t give a damn. The objective of a sexual relationship is to feel good, to give and receive, period.
So you don’t have to pressure yourself to last 7 minutes, 12 minutes or 14 minutes just because it won’t make you a better lover. What you do need to do is understand the mechanics of the female orgasm so you know how to give orgasms. That’s just essential and it’s even the central question that should animate you.